Chimera
by Vashtijoy
Summary: In his last year of middle school, Kinshirou finally has something to hope for. Oneshot.


Throughout his last year of middle school, Kinshirou finds himself with one reluctant hope. Fragile at first, it fast acquires the depths of certainty. This is the year they sit the entrance exams for high school. Binan High happens to be the most prestigious school in the city, despite its name, and Kinshirou himself will most certainly get in. He is also, no matter how begrudgingly, convinced Kinugawa will do the same. But that guy Yufuin?

Yufuin is _lazy_. More than that, he's a disgrace. His clothes are always rumpled, his tie's missing in the winter, he doesn't tuck his shirt or button it, he can't speak properly—he can't even open his _eyes_ half the time. Kinshirou will be _damned_ if Yufuin gets into _any_ high school, let alone the same one he does.

By January, when the exams are beginning, Kinshirou has come to a quiet realisation, which he cherishes out of sight where nobody can see. Since Yufuin is an ignoramus, and clearly unfit even to walk in the sun let alone go to a decent school, and since Kinugawa is at least intelligent, despite his many and manifest flaws as a human being, the chances that the two of them will get into the same high school are very, very low. In fact, as he assesses matters, the most likely prospect is that come April, Kinshirou will still be at the same school as Kinugawa, while sloppy, slipshod, scruffy, lackwitted _En-chaaaaan~~ —_will not be.

He smiles when he thinks of this, and it's not a nice smile. Kinugawa and Yufuin will be separated by the school gates, as surely as if they were locked. Kinugawa will know loneliness, as Kinshirou has known it. He can be the one who walks home alone, eats lunch alone, has nobody to sit next to in class. He can teach himself to hate, the way that Kinshirou has. He can learn what it is to be totally, completely, permanently untouchable and alone.

And perhaps, one day, when he judges Kinugawa's misery to be as deep as it's likely to get, Kinshirou will offer his hand. He dreams about it. He sees the moment, instead of the pages of his books. Maybe he'll even apologise. _I'm sorry about what happened_, he'll say, as he gets to be the one taking pity for once. _We can start over, if you'd like. Come, follow me_.

On that first April day of high school, his new uniform's still stiff, and his blazer is scratching the back of his neck, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he gets there early, probably looking like the worst sort of overeager _kouhai_, but indifferent to it. He spends some time poking around, to find an out-of-the-way corner where he can sit, ostensibly reading some interminable Meiji-era verse but actually watching the gate. Watching for his nemesis, the bane of his life, the one person he'd erase from memory, from _existence_ if he could. Waiting for Kinugawa to show up, eyes dull and shoulders slumped, lost and alone and, finally, _lonely_.

As it turns out, he hears them before he sees them. Pupils of all sorts keep passing by on the other side of the wall, out on the steps, wittering on to each other, mindless, insipid, foolish. But only one of them laughs like that. Only one can say, slightly breathless—

"En-chan, you'll get used to it. They're only steps. Only _a lot_ of steps, but—" It's an unmistakable voice, one seared on Kinshirou's soul. And as for the one that answers it—

"Yeah, you think so? I think, if we have to do that again, I'll be dead." _That_ voice turns Kinshirou's stomach, then drops it so far down that it ignites at the earth's core. He drops his book, his fingernails cut into the palms of his hands; he feels himself shaking; he wants to scream. He wants to run up and leap on Yufuin's back, wrap an arm around his neck and squeeze as hard as he can, and hit him as often as he can, screaming _how dare you!_ all the while.

But he doesn't. He just sits in his hiding-place, where nobody can find him, fists clenched, lip bitten on the inside, pale and pinched-looking and sick with strangled rage. And he watches sandy hair move next to blue. "That's 198 steps. I counted every one. Do you think they left two off on purpose? Some sort of, uhh, _wabi sabi_ thing?"

Kinshirou sees Atchan's face as he turns to look at Yufuin, but Atchan doesn't see him lurking in the shadows."You'd know about that, En-chan. But tomorrow will be easier, you'll see."

Somehow, Kinshirou has his doubts. But then, he's always known Kinugawa was made of lies. Always.


End file.
